A letter to my second born

Dear my second born,

I was nervous to meet you. I was more nervous to meet you than I was to meet your big sister. With her, I was naive about what life with a baby would be like. I mostly felt excitement. With you, I was excited too, but I also felt very nervous.

I felt nervous about doing it all again – the breastfeeding, the sleepless nights, the postpartum recovery, the shift in family dynamic, the responsibility of raising and nurturing another human. But more than that, I felt nervous about the love.

I couldn’t begin to imagine being able to love another child as much as I loved your big sister – she was my world. That fear was hard to admit. I was terrified that I wouldn’t feel connected to you in the same way. I was scared that I wouldn’t know how to divide myself between you two. With all of that fear came extreme guilt and shame. I was expecting my second healthy baby and I was incredibly grateful for that. And still, I felt guilty that I wasn’t more excited. I felt so scared of failing you. I felt scared that I wouldn’t be able to fulfil the needs of two kids and that I’d let you down. I really didn’t want to let you down. I wanted to be a Mom you would be proud of.

And then you were born.

Eight pounds of new existence. The moment I saw you, it was as if I’d known you my whole life. It felt like I had been living as an incomplete being until that moment, and it was you I’d been waiting for to complete my world. You were the puzzle piece I didn’t know was missing.

You looked up at me with those foggy newborn eyes, and they felt comfortably familiar. Moments after arriving earthside, you began to nurse with this confidence that relaxed me. It melted everything into place. It assured me that you and I were going to be ok.

The love was there.

The love was there even more than my heart could handle. As I held you in my arms, memorizing your new features, I couldn’t believe I had ever doubted my ability to love you. I loved you with every fibre of my being. You were perfect.

My sweet boy – you and your big sister are the light of my life and my love for you both knows no bounds.

There will be a lot of things I’ll struggle with in motherhood, but loving you will never be one of them.

Love, Mom

Featured Image by The Robins Nest

How I Became A Working Stay at Home Mom

When I graduated from school as a Holistic Nutritionist, I felt like the world was my oyster. I was 8 months pregnant with my first baby and I was fired up to start my own nutritional consulting business from home. I felt motivated and so full of nutritional knowledge that nothing could stop me. It turns out, one big thing could stop me. I realized that I had no idea how to actually start a business (which, as it turns out is pretty essential if you want to be successful). 

I spent countless nights awake in bed, with my baby kicking me from the inside, Googling things like, “how to be an entrepreneur,” and “how to start a home business.” The responses that came back were incredibly overwhelming. I read several business blogs which used terminology I didn’t understand. That intimidated and discouraged me. The combination of dead-end Google searches and my raging end-of-pregnancy hormones, quickly made me feel like my goal of being a self-employed, stay-at-home Mom, was just a naive, unattainable dream.

I looked into several online business programs and crash courses, but the syllabus never seemed to be a good fit for me. I ended up signing up for an online course that was valuable and informative, but at the end of it, I still found myself yearning for more practical guidance to get started. With my absolute lack of business knowledge, I needed my hand to be held through this process. I was clueless. It didn’t help that I had a newborn baby by my side (rather on me, nursing all day long). Things were moving slowly and I was getting frustrated. I finally got my logo and website made, which was a huge step in the right direction, but I still wasn’t really making money.

I had been following one of my teachers from nutrition school, Joy McCarthy, on Instagram for years. She’s someone I have always admired. When I scrolled through Joy’s page, I’d think, “she knows what she’s doing.” When Joy announced that she was launching a business program for wellness entrepreneurs, it took me all of a millisecond to sign up. This is what I had been waiting for. This was what I needed. 

The Joyous Health Business Program had so many appealing aspects to me. I was a stay-at-home Mom with my one-year-old daughter, and I was pregnant..again, so the 6-week long course was perfect for me. I wasn’t in a place to commit to anything longer. I absolutely loved that the modules were a series of short videos of Joy, her husband Walker, and their team at Joyous Health. I’m a visual learner, which made it a huge win for me to not have to read endless slides on my own. Each week, there was homework given that corresponded to the material covered in that module. What I liked was that the homework wasn’t testing how well you listened to the videos, instead, it was forcing me to answer practical questions, which ended up building the foundation of my business. The day after each module was released online, Joy and Walker would host a Facebook Live chat in the private Joyous Health Business Facebook group, where we could ask questions about the new material or homework from that week. It was so convenient. The program covered everything from branding to accounting, to social media platforms and so much more. The best part is that I now have lifetime access to the JHB course information to refer to anytime, and I’m a part of a very special community of supportive entrepreneurs in the Facebook group. 

Within the first month of the JHB program, I got 3 new clients from implementing the skills I learned. I also gained hundreds of new followers on my Instagram page and learned how to utilize other social media platforms. Although I’m still in the early stages of my business, I finally feel like I have the tools and information I need to grow and thrive as a wellness entrepreneur. It’s not always easy to get work done when I’m home with two babies under two, but I’m making it work as best as I can. Some days that means working on a client protocol, in bed with my sleeping baby in one arm as I type with the other (see picture below). Success looks different for everyone and I’ve only just begun.